Movie Review, Day 28: "The Heat"

I know you like Melissa McCarthy, Deb, so stop reading this now.

Day 28

Movie: "The Heat"
Ticket Price: $12.00
Showtime: 10:15 pm
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 58 minutes

Sandra Bullock (Oscar winner, let that sink in), an FBI agent, stars along side Melissa McCarthy (an Oscar nominee for something related to a sink, let that sink in, so pun intended), a Boston police officer, who need to work together buddy-cop style (one of the only female buddy-cop films I can think of) to try and bring down a local Boston drug lord.

Did I ever mention on this blog that I got a degree in women's studies in college? I thought I had, but maybe not. It's been a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong time since something has set off my "internal feminist alarm" to the point where I got angry enough to write about it.
Enter "The Heat."
Some of you will like this movie. Josh and I, on the other hand, did not.
I don't think movies that blatantly make fun of and try to offend every single group of human beings (people of other ethnic groups, people with disabilities, women, people that are older, people from certain areas) are funny.

I have a mouth like a sailor, yes, it's true, but I know when to turn it off, and I know who it will offend (98.29129753% of the time). I've never heard the F-word used so egregiously in a movie. Take "The Big Lebowski," for example: that movie uses the F-word over 200 times, but it never becomes unnecessary because the humor behind it makes up for the fact that it's used. When you're throwing the F-word behind every. single. effing. word. in. ever. single. effing. sentence., it becomes annoying and try-hard. This is the difference between the F-word in context (in "Lebowski") and the F-word being the joke (in "The Heat"). There's nothing else behind F-word, that is the joke. It's supposed to be funny that she keeps saying it over and over and over and over and over and over. It's a sort of "look at me, I'm a woman and I'm saying F**K! F**K F**K F**KITY F**K F**K F**K!!! IT'S FUNNY because I'm a F**KING WOMAN!"

Melissa McCarthy might be your cup of tea, but she just isn't mine. I don't like "Mike and Molly" because it's one big, long, never-ending fat joke, even though I, as a bigger person, am supposed to dig this kind of self-deprecating humor because "hey, I'm fat, I can relate to this!"
Well, I can't, and I don't.
I feel like my life is worth more than making every situation and scenario I encounter into a fat joke.

I didn't particularly like "Bridesmaids," and I don't think pooping in sinks is funny, it's just gross. I LOVED "Gilmore Girls," and I loved McCarthy in it, but she has become a niche actress where all of her characters are written with a need to assert this vulgar, nasty way about her, and I just can't get into it. She always has to be a crass, blunt, tomboy character, and while that's not necessarily bad, I think it's because of her size that this is done: movie makers and script writers assume she can't anything remotely feminine or sexual because she's just too fat, and that's not fair. I think the fact that they photoshopped her on the film's poster, even in different countries, proves this.

I don't think that what I like is better than what you or the next Jo/anne-schmo like, but if I get offended by overuse of the F-word? Yikes. McCarthy knows her place in movies and plays her role well, it's just not something I look forward to seeing 100 times again and again.

Sandra Bullock was annoying in this movie, too. Her character is supposed to act by-the-book, yet constantly felt the need to assert all of her various credentials throughout the film, as if to prove she was smart enough to do whatever it was she was doing. You're obviously a high-ranking FBI agent, you obviously got there for a reason, why constantly try and prove you know Bulgarian, or know how to drive a getaway car and lose a tail, or know how to preform a tracheotomy? And just because she's a woman with a powerful job DOESN'T MEAN SHE HAS TO BE MISERABLE. When is Hollywood going to stop perpetuating this negative stereotype of women? If a woman has a family, she automatically can't have a job. If a woman doesn't have a family, she's automatically unhappy and a bitter old spinster who has a crappy life with cats. It was just tiresome.

There were probably 10 other people in our theater, and every single one of them was laughing. AND HARD. I just don't understand why. I chuckle mildly two times. There's no way around it for me: it just wasn't my kind of funny.

I've been going to movies regularly for probably the past 10-15 years and I have never in this history of seeing movies wanted to walk out of the theater. Ever. And despite wanting to 10 minutes into the movie, we sat there and finished the film and couldn't wait to leave. The plot was very disjointed, and many of the secondary characters that are intro

Like I mentioned earlier, some of you like Melissa McCarthy and will most likely dig this film; most critics LOVE this movie, and they are even making a "The Heat II," according to IMDB. I'll go ahead and sit that one out. For now, let's just say we were displeased, at the least.

My Rating: 3/10
Josh's Rating: 2/10
IMDB's Rating: 7/10
Do we recommend the film: No. This movie is not for the faint of heart because it also has quite a bit of violence along with the slew of profanity.